How to improve your relationship with your child
For many parents, how to build a connection is a
disconcerting question. Although each family is different and the way in which
this develops can be affected by personalities, family patterns and unresolved
anguish, I have discovered throughout my years of practice that some simple
things can make a significant difference in the quality of the Connection we
have with our children. When looking at families and seeing what works and what
is not here, I have some ideas that I have about things that can make a
difference:
1. Children need quality time, but they also need quantity.
We listen all the time that children need "quality
time" with their parents. The time spent listening carefully, being very
present, having a connected conversation while getting involved in an activity
with them is very important. But my experience as a therapist and as a father
is that it doesn't just happen. We cannot necessarily schedule "quality
time" in our schedule and expect an instant connection. If we program the
"connection time", p. Take our son for morning tea so we can talk,
what often turns out is that our son freezes and shuts up. The connection,
especially with teenagers, often occurs in the middle of a long time of
indirect amount. Time spent driving in the car, walking back from soccer
practice, cleaning your room together, shopping at the supermarket. It is often
in those moments that our child shares a hidden anxiety or sadness, not
necessarily when we have created the time to connect.
The connection, especially with teenagers, often occurs in
the middle of a long time of indirect amount. Time spent driving in the car,
walking back from soccer practice, cleaning your room together, shopping at the
supermarket. It is often in those moments that our child shares a hidden
anxiety or sadness, not necessarily when we have created the time to connect.
2. Choose your battles.
Many parents I know are anxious about not being 100%
consistent all the time and that if they relax their rules, they will
unwittingly send a message that they are weak as parents. And so they stick to
their rules through rain or snow. This may be the raising of textbooks, but I
wonder if the victim of constantly winning every battle is that our son grows
up to resent us, that our homes are dominated by tension and conflict and that
we lose connection with our son. We can improve
We can greatly improve the connection with our son simply by
letting go of some things, choosing our battles. It is important to clarify
that I am not talking about ignoring the transgressions of important rules. But
if our goal is to build a connection, it may be helpful to ask yourself:
"Do I really need to ride my son on every wrap of ice blocks he leaves on
the floor?"
3. Show interest in what interests them.
I am not in love with the new Pokemon Go app. I'm also not
really interested in several YouTube videos or making clips of music movies.
But here is a secret. For my children I am. Why? Because it is important to
them. If I show disinterest, a series of connection opportunities are closed
where they come to see me as someone fun, interested in what they think and
value their opinion. Whatever your child likes, make it your own too. Ask a lot
of questions. You will be surprised what else they tell you while looking for
Pokémon ... together.
4. Practice random acts of kindness.
Unexpected acts of kindness can earn a lot of money for
parents. Small acts of love or affection can do much to promote closeness and
change a path of disconnection. Often, the smallest things can make a
difference, like doing one of their tasks for them (without reluctantly
reminding them!) To give them a break, talk about them positively with another
person when you know they can hear you, offering to make a extra effort happily
when they expect you to say no.
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